Trying to change my habits...

It's no surprise to me that it took this long for me to write another entry. I usually go in spurts I guess. What's new, what's new... Finally on and used to my new meds that control my double visions. It's so funny to me that you take a pill to cure one problem, and it then creates another problem. Though they do seem to be better than the alternative.

I joined weight watchers a little over a week ago. So far ok. I lost 3 pounds last week. If I can stay on track I can be close to my goal by the end of 2008. I really hope I can stick with it. I've done a pretty good job eating healthy and exorcising. I slip and fall often, but I try to tell myself that is to be expected. I am now reconsidering my "goals" for this year. I had so many... but now I think it would be more helpful to focus on one. So... if I am able to loose the extra weight and maintain it, then that would please me just fine. By my birthday, I am hoping to be half way there. My family will be going on a cruise then, so it gives me something to shoot for.

SO excited. My new favorite artist, Missy Higgins is going to be in Minneapolis this March (www.MissyHiggins.com)! It isn't often that I get excited about concerns or musicians in general, so it should be a really fun experience. I haven't told the person I am going with yet, but I'm totally going to be the dork in the first row singing along to the lyrics. I hope she can handle it. ;)

Is loosing your sight enough motivation?

So for the past few months I’ve been getting headaches and double vision. I kept blaming other things for the longest time. It must be migraines…. I’m just tired from working on the computer all day… I just couldn’t bring myself to believe it was a true problem.

So when my insurance finally kicked in, I went to see an eye doctor. To make a long story short I have something called Pseudotumor cerebri. It took me awhile to be able to say that word. Psydo-hoo-haa? What??

What this means is very blunt. Either I loose weight or I loose my sight. I starred at the doctor for a little bit after she told me this… making a nodding motion here and there. Is she serious?

I’ve been technically trying to loose weight for the past 8 years of my life and very little progress has been made. Food can be an addiction for people, just like drugs or alcohol. At least it is for me. I always seem to fall back into the same bad patrons. Potatoe chips and ice cream seem to know me by name and call out for me as I pass the frozen foods section. I have horrible will-power.

So here’s the question I keep asking myself. Is loosing my sight enough motivation to loose weight? Time can only tell. As for now I’m doing my best. I got a little book to chart my calorie intake, signed up for two workout classes a week and did better at picking out healthy food at the grocery store. I’m giving myself a year to kick myself into shape. I hope and I pray that I am strong enough. Because if I’m not, for once in my “dieting career” there will be huge consequences.

Let the resolutions roll in…

I know what you’re thinking… these don’t usually stick, right? Well for me that tends to be true. But I’ve had this feeling lately. Like this year is going to be different. I trust instincts. I very rarely am certain about anything, so the fact that this feeling hasn’t faded yet leaves me hopeful.

Mind-Blowing events of 2007:

1) Getting the job of my dreams.
2) Leaving the job of my dreams.
3) Getting a new job and realizing I had no idea what my dreams were, and finally enjoying my job, truly.
4) Buying a condo.
5) Sky Diving with my best friend.
6) Hosting an art camp and painted a mural, in the small town of Orotina, Costa Rica. (With my good friend through the Peace Corps).

It’s going to be a hard year to beat. This next year I think I’m going to focus more on myself internally… but that’s always subject to change.

Current 2008 list wishes:

1) Dropping 50 pounds… Exercising, eating better, and centering myself with some holistic classes like Yoga.
2) Run a benefit with the money going to some kind of children’s organization. (I’ve always wanted to do this!!)
3) Cutting my credit card bills in half and actually having a savings built up.

I always thought I was so good with money… but looking back through the past year I realized that it wasn’t true. In a perfect world I would have very few possessions. I don’t know why this is so important to me… I think it stems from my upbringing. Our house was always flooded with useless knick-knacks. Money that could have been used for something more important flooded into plastic charms and wall hangings. I don’t want that to be me. When things are more simple and less cluttered, I feel more at peace. I’ve lived this life in access for too long. But some type of old “gatherer” instinct keeps holding me back from achieving this.

So here’s to a new year; a new page in the book that’s not yet finished.

Is that song really for me?

A song starts as just a song. You’ve heard it on the radio numerous times and it’s only been background noise in your life, until today. All of a sudden your mind tunes into the words and you realize that this singer that you’ve never met is singing about you.

Have you ever had that experience? For a moment I wonder if it’s only I and the poet of the lyrics that get it… that really “get it.” Or is a song just like a generic psychic reading? They all mean something to someone if they are just willing to believe.

Or maybe we really are more similar than we like to think? Human urges for the most part, no matter how unique we think we are... are very similar. Although I’d like to think you wouldn’t find another copy of me and your run of the mill Wal-Mart. One can only hope.